Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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