I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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