i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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