he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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