Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
