...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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