billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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