I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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