I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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