The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
