another moral hangover. fuck.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
