I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
