You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
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Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
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I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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