Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Randomize
