and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
