my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
