the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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