She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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