jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
