I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
