Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You took a bar mat shot.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
