I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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