I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
