I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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