Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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