Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
