there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
