Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
