I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
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Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
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I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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