you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize