Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
