There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
