That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
