At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
