Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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