Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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