they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
