dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
