I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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