I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
