I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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