He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
