Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize