just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
