I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
