I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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