I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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