He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Drunk is not a location!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
