I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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