she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
