so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
