I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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