I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
