we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
