I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
