Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
