What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
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i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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