were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
COCAINE IS GR8
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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