Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
