yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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