can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
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