How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
