i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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