Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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