He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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