I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
