Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
