ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
