you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
