singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
