Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
sex in a hospital.. check
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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