it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
