what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You may now shotgun with the bride
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
