hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Hippo gnu deer
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
