Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
