Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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