Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
