why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
