there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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